So Here's My Life

The things we make,
the food we eat and
the shenanigans in between.

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Sunday, October 5, 2008

Things to refrain from saying to a pregnant woman...

*"You're only upset because you're pregnant." - so basically what you're saying is that I have no reason to be upset. So if even if I really have no reason to be upset because I'm pregnant, telling me that "I'm only upset because I'm pregnant" is only going to aggravate me even more, because obviously the situation is important to me, and you are telling me that my feelings aren't valid. And that is definitely not going to calm me down. Grrrr!!!

*In reference to a comment I make pertaining to pregnancy like, "It's getting difficult to bend down. (because this belly is getting in the way)" and a woman replies "Just wait..." implying that this experience will only get worse. Yeah, thanks for being so encouraging. I know that things will probably continue to become more difficult, but do you really have to remind me?? It's not like I didn't have that figured out by now, but thanks for the reminder. I've heard this comment from various women OVER and OVER and OVER. And let me tell you, I'm SO OVER it! I've heard enough. Maybe I'll just stop talking about pregnancy to others.

*When a woman feels compelled to share her pregnancy experience and then proceeds to make predictions about how my pregnancy will be as well. I really really really hate it when women do this. It's like because they've been pregnant once or twice they suddenly know ALL there is to know about EVERY SINGLE WOMAN'S PREGNANCY. What makes you think that every body else's pregnancy is going to be exactly yours was? Especially since every woman's body reacts exactly the same as your does. NO. What's worse is when they make negative predictions about your pregnancy based on their own experiences.

You know what? Why is it that so many women who have had babies seem to make it their mission in life to make me feel like a some young, naive rookie at this motherhood/pregnancy thing? Like they feel like they have one up on me. It's like it seems that they feel like they need to educate me about every little thing AND I get these little smirks from them, that seem to say, "You really have no idea what you're getting yourself into." I think that I do. I know that I do. That's why Joel and I have waited so long to have kids. This was a well thought out, planned, decision on our part. Perhaps we don't know EVERY little thing yet, but we are aware, that we don't know. We didn't just step into this next part of our lives without any forethought. I hate being treated like a naive person. I hate it. Why can't people (women) just leave me alone to enjoy my pregnancy? Why do they have to share all their stupid bad experiences with me. What makes them think that I'm as stupid as they are? (Wow, that was mean)

I really want to enjoy this pregnancy. I really do. But it's so hard when you feel like everyone around you is trying to spoil it for you by making you feel like a rookie. I don't have to know everything at once. I plan on informing myself. I like to know what I'm doing. But there are just some things that I would rather not know until I get to that point. (Like postpartum recovery...please DO NOT share...I would rather figure that out when I get there...don't give me more things to stress about) I just want to enjoy my pregnancy. I want to be happy. Don't spoil it for me!

And don't touch my belly either. I might have to kill you. I need a shirt to communicate that. Any suggestions on where I could get a shirt like that? Seriously.


Cara said...

I won't make a prediction about your pregnancy but I will make a prediction on the fact that a year from now you too will be smirking at women expecting thier first child. Ha ha!

Women tell you things for mainly one reason. They are trying to share thier knowledge (real life knowledged not publisher edited crap) in order to help you be fully prepared. This is a very biblical principal. The bible admonishes the older women to teach the younger women.

You would never get behind the wheel of a car without instruction from someone who knew how to drive. You would never fly a plane or try to do an operation on someone with no more knowledge than having "taught yourself".

But having said all that - yes people are stupid. And yes, pregnancy is very private. I don't know why folks don't get it when it's a result of intimacy between a husband and wife - its something to celebrate and that's what people think they are doing, but not everyone understands...sometimes the celebration must stay just between the couple for a while longer.

I could tell you many other things but I'll wait until you ask, and you may never ask. You have your own mother to ask...Vicki and I didn't when Andrew and Joel were born. The only woman of wisdom we had was our grandmother who became extremely important in our lives. Maybe for this reason the role of Grandmother, for us, took on a primary role when it isn't nescessarily so for most other women.

If Andrew had married and had children I might see myself making the mistake of thinking I, as the grandmother, was needed more than I should have. I would hope that Jamie would have understood and been patient with me (as much as she could)because children watch how thier elders are treated in order to learn how to treat thier own parents when they get old.

But you are a beautiful girl with so much talent that you don't need me to ramble on like this - have your melt downs and find yourself that're entitled! Love you - Dee

Unknown said...

I agree that it is a Biblical principle for the older women to share their knowledge with the younger women, however, that does not give them the right to treat you in a condescending manner because you are new to the experience. Nor does it give them the right to treat you like a stupid, naive girl because you and your husband have deliberately (not accidentally) chosen to start a family after several years of marriage. Now that I am pregnant, it seems that so many women have taken it upon themselves to show me that I am now at the bottom of the pecking order and that I am below them. I do not appreciate that, nor do I want to listen or take advice from a person who treats me like such a loser. I am not saying that I do not want (nor do I plan) walk into this stage in my life with out any knowledge. I read often, I have several close friends who are mothers, I have a doctor, and I have a mother who I can turn to for information as well as advice. But there are also some things that I would just like to discover on my own. Kind of like sex. Sex should never be something that every woman needs to advise you on. It's not their place. It's a personal experience between the husband and wife, and should never be opened up to the public for information. Many times advice from several outside sources gives you false expectations and a false understanding of what you should expect...which can lead to disappointment and unfulfillment. In this case, things are much better when left to the couple to discover on their own. And this is also, in a way how I feel about my pregnancy. Women tend to overwhelm me with so much information that it gives me fear and anxiety, which is not necessary. I prefer to deal with the issues as they come, not all at once. It's far too overwhelming. And a women who takes it upon herself to teach me as it says in the Bible, is definitely not a good teacher if all they ever tell me is the negative things about pregnancy.