Confessions from a wounded soul

God-
Do you feel my sadness?
Do you feel my pain?
Do you understand the disappointment I feel so deep within?
Are you there?
I feel so alone.
I know you are there.
But you seem so silent.
Bad things have happened to me.
I just don't understand.
What did I do to deserve this?
My heart feels ripped apart.
Disappointment fills my soul.
My bleeding heart is wounded.
It seems beyond repair.
How could this have happened?
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!!
I just don't understand.
Can you fix my wounded soul?
Can you fix my bleeding heart?
I know you have a plan.
It's beyond my understanding.
I've heard it so many times.
But I struggle to comprehend.

Then I feel a whisper.
A soft and gentle voice.
And you remind me, "I AM HERE."

And you are.

*disclaimer - this has nothing to do with Joel*

Sunset

I managed to catch a spectacular sunset this evening. This pictures didn't come out as clear as I hoped, but you can still see the vivid colors. There was a thunderstorm rolling in with deep, purple clouds as the sun was setting. The remnant rays from the setting sun gave off the most amazing glow as they pushed through the rain in the distance. I love to watch the sunsets out here. I posted these pictures in chronological order. Even though the pictures look like they are in reversed order, they are not.








by the way, just for the record, I still think that life is not fair, and bad things happen to good people, even though they don't deserve them.

Life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people, bad things that they did not deserve.

This past weekend, Joel and I were able to spend time with my family this weekend in EP. On Saturday we spent the day at a lake, fishing, swimming, riding on the boat, and picnicing. I caught a HUGE catfish. I was scared of it. It was really strong, and I had a hard time reeling it in. My dad helped me. But we all had a great time on the lake, and came back with relatively minor sunburns. Yesterday before we came back, we took the tram up to the top of the mountains in EP for the very first time. It was really cool

Jeanette & Aaron, tubing.


Joel, chilling on the boat with his Dr. Pepper.


the family


yes, here we are, crazy as usual


Jeanette & Aaron on top of the Franklin Mountains.



one of the views from the top

Guess what!!!!

So I had the coolest thing happen to me. It's almost as cool as being on TV...almost. So one of my favorite TV shows is a show called 5 Takes on the Travel Channel. It's where 5 people go backpacking around in a specified part of the world (currently Latin America). The cool part is that you decided what they get to do while they are in a certain country. They have forums that you participate in, and give suggestions on what they should do. Then the following week, their experiences airs on the Travel Channel. Way cool, right? Well, last week they went to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. So I particpated on their forum, and suggested that they go handgliding. (From all the travel shows that I watch, I just happen to know that handgliding in Rio de Janeiro is spectacular). So here's the cool part - not only did they take me up on my suggestion, but they also mentioned my screen name (MusicianAtHeart) on their show!!! And they said that it was the coolest suggestion yet!! And then they thanked me for suggesting that! How cool is that!!! I was SSOOOO excited when I realized he was talking about ME on one of my favorite shows!!! I was so elated! For real.


Ok. Now to change the subject. I found this guy online. His name is Greg Pattillo. He's a flute player that does beatboxing WHILE he's playing the flute!! It's amazing!! You have got to check out this video!

And while your at it, check out this one too. On this one Greg, the flute guy, does his thing along with a cello at Union Square. (I have no idea where that is, NY? I guess)

I DID IT!!

That's right, I pierced my nose. I had it done yesterday. So here's the story:

Last Thursday I decided that I was ready to get my nose pierced. On Friday, which was yesterday, Joel had to work out of town. I decided to go with him, and run some errands and do some shopping while he was working. While I was doing this, I ran into someone who highly recommended a woman for body piercings. Apparently, her work was really good, and has done nearly 6,000 piercings. After some thought, I decided to go for it.

So I went to the place, filled out the paperwork, and waited while she set every thing up. I started to look at all the pictures on the wall of the different types of body piercings...eyebrows, lip, neck, belly buttons, etc, etc. As I gazed at all the pictures, I started to get a little nervous. (remember that blog about Analysis Paralysis? that applies here) Then she sat me down, and explained the process, and care of a nose piercing. The level of my nerves rose as she began to give the detailed explaination. She cleaned the area, and swabbed it with a numbing rub. We chose the best spot for the nose piercing, and finally she put the clamp on my nose. And that's when I started to mildly freak out - my body was tense. (At this point I realized that I have issues with people touching my nose. I've always hated for people to touch my nose. I've had allergies my whole life, and nose bleeds have been a common thing for me for most of my life. At times even a gentle tap on the nose has resulted in a nose bleed) The clamp that gripped my nostril was seriously agitating. I thought to myself, "I wish I would have waited for Joel." He's always good at calming me down during tense moments....and at least I would have had a hand to squeeze. I realized that I would have to do my best to reduce my level of tension by myself. So I told her to wait. I took a couple of deep breaths, and relaxed my body, but not completely...I was still nervous. After my last deep breath, she punctured my nostril with a tiny, hollow needle. The pain was equivalent to a needle poking your finger tip, or maybe popping a pimple on the side of your nose. Tears came to my eyes, but still it was just a small ouch. And then suddenly, it was over. The stud was in my nose, and the clamp was taken off. That was it? That was it? I then realized that all the pre-piercing tension was not nearly worth the nearly painless process of the piercing. HA! It was over, or so I thought...

Then she began to give the detailed process of the care & cleaning of my nose-piercing, "wear a band-aid over your piercing the first three nights when you sleep to prevent it coming out...keep the stud in 21 days....never use hydrogen peroxide or alcohol to clean the piercing...clean it with triple antibiotic ointment...". My head swam as she gave the detailed run-down. How in the world would I remember all this information? Then she began to demonstrated the cleaning process on my newly pierced nose. She took a Q-tip, covered in Triple Antibiotic ointment, and began to clean around the top of my piercing. As she was doing this, she explained how it was ok if the stud in my nose rose a little bit as it was being cleaned. But then with a quick, but accidental swipe, the bottom part of the stud came out of my nose!! The lady quickly tried to put it back with her fingers, but was unsuccessful. Drastic measures had to be taken here in order to avoid a re-piercing. Once again, the dreaded clamp was placed back onto my nostril. And again, the tension level arose in my body. As she searched to find the hole, she assured me that everything was ok. I wasn't so sure. As she moved the stud around in my newly-pierced nose, tears once again formed in my eyes during the painful endeavor of searching for the hole. This time around hurt more than the initial piercing. And then she found it. And the stud was in place once again. And again the dreaded nose clamp was removed. She finished the cleaning demonstration process, and then warned me to be faithful in the cleaning process, despite the apparent tramua I had just experienced.

But it was over and now I have a way cool pink stud in my nose. And I think it's terrific. So does Joel. But I'm not sure how many others will feel the same way. I will find out soon enough. And here are the results:


Ok. It's kind of hard to see the stud, because not only is it pink, but also very small. Look closely.

There's no real subject to this blog

I don't have too much to talk about right now...actually I always have plenty of ideas swimming through my head, but at the moment, I don't feel like taking the time to write them down (or type them). I've been under a serious amount of stress lately, more than I've expressed. I'm also sick. I've been sick since Saturday night. I'm starting to feel better. But God is still faithful through all of the turmoil in my life. And I love him. Still.

Other really shallow, but exciting news for me - I bought a new swimsuit and shoes on clearance from dELiAs online, which is a store I'm probably way to old to shop at, but it's still fun. lol. These are my new shoes:

Corduroy Chuck Taylor Slip-Ons. Yay for me. My swimsuit has a funky, blue & green, 1970's floral-pattern...it wasn't my first coice, but I couldn't beat the price - and my husband loved it. So it's all good. lol.

Last night my brother and I tried to outdo each other with quizes on Facebook. Our goal was to try to outwit each other with difficult quizes. He cheated. He made his so that no matter what I answer I chose, it was wrong. It's not over yet. He's going to LOSE!!! lol.

One of the teenagers just called me to let me know she just pierced her nose. Joel and I got a lot of entertainment over that. I want to pierce my nose too. I've wanted to for a long time. I still have my hestitations. Also know that even though I am a grown-up, married woman, and 26 years of age, my parents will still flip out. That's my biggest hestiation. But I still may do it yet.

I'm back

Ok. So I'm back from Youth Camp. I survived another year!! This was my 8th year working at camp (staff, counselor, SAGU rep, etc). At camp this year, a teenage girl, who had just graduated from high school, said to me, "I remember seeing you working at kid's camp, when I was a camper." I thought to myself, "she really must be mistaken, it hasn't be that long since I worked at that camp"...and then I started to count back the years, and realized that it has indeed been that long...and then I started to feel old. I would also like to say that this year it was really weird, because many counselors were pregnant this year...and I was not one of them. I kind of felt like I wasn't in the "cool club" this year....but then again...I really don't want to be in that "cool club" right now. lol.
So here's the highlights of Camp this year:

• being a counselor in the same dorm with my good friend, Patty.
• A dorm full of terrific girls from Patty's church
• PAINTBALL
• the crazy-hysterical games we played with the campers.
  
• good camp-food
• beating one our teenage boys up the rock-wall!!! (the second time I lost...because I was tired )
  
• private counselor bathrooms inside the dorms
• NOT being a pregnant counselor
• when the campers went to sleep.
• the lack of rain at camp (it always rains out there during the summer)
  
• the silly name the girls from my dorm named our team: Red Minty Hippos (and our cheer was, "Red Minty Hippos, ATTACK, ATTACK!!). it doesn't get much sillier than that.
  
• great worship by the MVBand (favorite local worship team)
  
• watching the teenagers run through Mud Mountain(mud obstacle course) (I injured myself earlier that week during camp, and was ordered by the camp nurse to stop being so active)
• the silly Delivery Boys from Vanguard University who like to think that my husband and I would actually LIKE to move to Southern Cali and work at their school. (yeah right) They amused me.
• the Delivery Boys (especially Chris) who went into town and bought Joel Tabasco sauce for his food.
• the silly girl who liked one of our teenage boys. she actually stole his chair during service and put it next to her so he would have to sit with her. he did. for a minute. then he got up to help take the offering. and i joel and i teased her from across the isle. she was really embarassed. and wouldn't look at me for the rest of camp. ha ha. later he took his chair back, and sat with us again. lol.
  
• i found a cricket bug thing in my shoe....while i was wearing it. i had been wearing my shoe for about an hour and a half and suddenly i felt something funny in the toe of my shoe. i took off my shoe and shook it out, and found a bug had been in my shoe. and it was still alive. i screamed very loudly (this happened in the cafeteria), and wiped my foot off on Joel. (he didn't like that too much) lol.
  
• A great speaker named Jacob Jester. i seriously think he's like one of my favorite speakers now. not only did he hang out with the campers during the day, but was amazing at speaking to them during the services, and was completely hysterical. he was great. seriously.
  
• the amazing things that God did in all of our hearts during camp, reguardless of age.
  

We seriously had a blast this year, and truely think it has been the best camp yet...but I am WAY exhuasted from the whole experience. I've done a lot of sleeping since I've gotten home. And Brody was very excited to see us when we got home too. So was my bed.


the view from the top of the campground

Mud Tug-O-War

One dirty girl after Mud Mountain

Zach is completely covered in mud after Mud Mountain

Cabin 4A (I'm on the far left, Patty's on the front row, far right)

I have a question

So can anyone tell me why it is that every dog has a thing with shredding tissues?? Brody is a ninja. He's so sneaky when he's stealing tissues out of the trash can. Then he'll go and lay down and tear it up. It makes me crazy. Sachi was a pretty sneaky tissue-shredder as well. In fact, I know several dogs who do this as well. Why must they do this??? Anyone know?

Tommorrow Joel and I will be taking the teenagers to camp. The good news is that I will be a counselor in the same dorm as one of my good friends, Patty, whom I have been friends with for like 8 years, and who is also the wife of a youth pastor in our district. That makes me happy.

I thought I was going to die...

yesterday afternoon. Ok. Just kidding. But I did have quite the frightening moment. I saw a centipede. (again). I think out here I see at least one or two every year. It's pretty horrible. Yesterday I was sitting in the kitchen, and I heard the dog start barking. My dog never barks unless something is there. So as I walked to the open front door, I saw what the dog was barking at. There crawling on the inside the screen door, was a massive 6-inch centipede, with a dark body, yellow legs, and an orange head. I shiver just thinking about it. I screamed at the top of my lungs in terror, and slammed the front door shut with all my might. Then I stood standing behind the entry way fretting and pacing back and forth, trying to figure out how I should kill it. In my state of panic, my mind was completely blank (I tend to freeze in emergency-type situations). So I picked up the phone and called Joel to find out what to do. He told me to find a giant rock to smash it. Fortunately at that point, I remembered that I had a hammer set aside for this specific occasion. (Why couldn't I remember this? I rehearsed this scenario in my head so often, yet forget about it as soon as the scenario came into play). So I got off the phone with Joel, went out the side door, and ran around the front of my house to find the centipede exactly where I left it - in between the front door and the screen door. It was crawling on the side of the door frame. I took aim...and missed. It fell onto the ground, and scrambled for shelter - right underneath my door, and into my house!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! At that point, I was overcome with horror and let out the most terrifying scream ever. I ran in the front door, just in time to see the centipede crawl into the woven, rolled up hammock resting behind the front door. I grabbed the hammock, tossed it outside onto the front porch. Then I picked it up again and shook the centipede out of the hammock. The centipede fell onto the concrete porch. I took aim more carefully now (there was no way I was going to let this crawl back into my house), and hit the centipede on the head with my hammer....and then I made sure to hit the other end, because it's hard to tell the head from the tail and then I smashed it a couple more times just to make sure it was really dead. The whole entire time I was smashing the centipede, I was screaming at the top of my lungs in terror, because I was indeed, that terrified. Poor Brody had no idea what was going on as I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and ran to hide in a bush. After I finished smashing the centipede, I stood there watching it for about ten minutes, making sure it wasn't going to crawl off. I finally put a big rock over the dead centipede laying on my porch, because I was too scared to pick it up and dispose of it...and Joel was working out of town, and none of my neighbors were home. (And yes, I would have actually asked one of them to come over, and throw it away for me, and they would have done it too! Because they're nice like that) So I left the dead centipede under a rock on my porch for the rest of the day until Joel came home from work and threw it away. I like him a lot. He's nice.