Finding Beauty within the Chaos

You know, it seems that sometimes despite our best efforts, chaos seems to find its way into our lives. This season has been absolute, 100% mad chaos for me. Chaos, chaos, and more chaos. No matter how hard I try, the conflicts always seem to pile up at once. It drives me crazy. I've had countless moments of frustration, but I've also learned a lot through these circumstances - mainly the importance of finding the beautiful moments within the chaotic moments.

broken DSLR camera

Over the past six weeks or so, I've celebrated a handful of family members' birthdays, a school field trip, judged a fine arts festival, sprained my ankle, got a staph infection in my sinuses, had an asthma attack, had a couple of anxiety attacks and lost a lot of sleep, been sick and taken care of sick children multiple times. Multiple times. Mac also managed to break both my iPad and DSLR camera within about 10 days of each other. (Neither was intentional, nor is he allowed to handle those items, but I assure you he has been grounded.) I also signed up to run in a 5k sponsored by an organization that confronts human trafficking. After I signed up for the 5k, I got really sick for a couple of weeks and was unable to run. And then, as soon as I started to feel better, I sprained my ankle! Seriously. I don't know how I manage these things sometimes. My ankle finally healed enough for me to resume running again last weekend. The 5k is this weekend. (Baahhhhh!!) Chaos? Yes. Crazy? Possibly. But the real question is, am I ok? The answer is YES! 

Yes. I am ok. These chaotic six weeks haven't been my favorite, but I'm still ok. Why? Because despite everything, I've realized that there are always good moments, beautiful moments, in the midst of the conflicts. It's not like I'm in love with the continuous chaos that I seem to find myself in again and again, but I'm learning to appreciate the moments that often get overlooked during conflict. 

Geocaching adventures & digging our Jeep out of the sand

Over the weekend, I had a night where I didn't sleep well, due to to medication I had to take. And, due to unrelated circumstances, the boys didn't sleep well either. The next morning didn't go well for us and I was sleep deprived and a little foggy. It was a frustrating. However, Joel and I decided to make the most of the day and took the boys Geocaching (or as we call it, Treasure Hunting). Our adventure started out well and we found our first cache of the day (or treasure). But then we couldn't find the next cache. Mac was so disappointed. So, we chose a different cache - out in the desert near our house. Less than a mile from the next cache (0.3 miles to be exact), our Jeep got stuck in a patch of soft sand (it only has 2 wheel drive). So, Joel, Mac, and I spent the next 30 minutes digging our Jeep out of the ruts. It was a lot of work. And we would get out of one rut, only to get stuck in another one. Each time we would get out of one rut, we would cheer Joel on. It made it fun. Eventually we got out, but by that time the wind had picked up so much that it was difficult to walk against and our Jeep was on the verge of overheating. After all the digging, and the fact that we were so close to the cache, how could we give up? We couldn't! We walked the last 0.3 miles to the cache in the wind while our Jeep cooled off. Guess what? We found the cache, and the boys got a couple of awesome souvenirs. Mac got a paracord bracelet and Cheese got an army man. It was truly a triumphant moment, a beautiful moment, for our family. It was just a silly little family adventure, but in that adventure we were able to show that hard work, perseverance, and a good attitude can reap great rewards. It really did for us that day.

Each day has its own beautiful moments

That day started out rough for all of us, and our Jeep got stuck in the sand during our adventure. Both of those incidents had great potential to spoil our fun. Instead we chose to keep a positive attitude. You know what? I've found that even in the worst days, there's almost always something positive to focus on. I recently had a day where I was so exhausted and overwhelmed, I had to go to the staircase landing, have a quick cry-break, pull myself together, and then go take care of the boys. Even on that very difficult day, I encountered a couple of beautiful moments with my kids. 

Sweet moment in the midst of a chaotic day

Sometimes, it seems that life has handed you one gigantic bowl of lemons. Despite our greatest efforts, we can't always control our circumstances. It just doesn't always work out that way. Beyond frustrating! But despite the conflict and chaos, it's important to look for those beautiful moments. Finding the beautiful moments in the midst of the chaotic moments truly makes life more enjoyable. 

The Toy Purge of 2013

I want to do something a little different today. As it turned out, I need a couple more days to refine the projects I had originally planned on posting. It's been a while since I've written a post about everyday life around here. I've had this subject on my mind for a several months. It hasn't been until now that I've taken the time to sit down and share it with you guys.

I went on a trip to Kenya when I was still single and in my early 20's. While I was in Kenya, my team and I visited Kibera, the largest slum on the continent of Africa. We had to walk in and out of the area on foot, and were not allowed to bring bags, or anything of value. The people were dressed in dirty rags. Sewage and trash filled the streets and the smell was terrible. It was a memorable experience, to say the least.

Twelve years later, I still reflect back on that experience from time to time. My husband and I own our home (well...as long as we pay our mortgage!), we have two cars, and plenty of furniture, clothes, kitchen gadgets, appliances, and a multitude of miscellaneous possessions. Society tells us that we can never have enough possessions. There is always something you need to make your life better. Happiness can be found with every new item you purchase. This is false. True happiness is not found in possessions, but in God. Nothing else. Living in our society is truly a blessing, but I've found that it's important to keep our consuming desires in check, especially when you consider the living conditions in poverty-stricken parts of the world.

A couple of months ago, Joel and I had a difficult time getting Mac to put away his toys on a regular basis. Regardless of the fact that I rotated out his toys, and sifted through them on a regular basis to get rid of the junk, the conflict never seemed to subside. The toy situation consistently escalated into a tense conflict. During these moments, I would remember the Kiberian slum that I walked through as a young adult, and would feel a terrible sense of guilt. The people inside that slum struggled on a daily basis to find enough food, shelter, and clean water, and yet my son had so many toys, that he was overwhelmed with the task of taking care of them. I finally realized that both of my boys had too many toys.

This is the closet where the boys store their toys. It's actually worse than it looks. The floor was completely covered in toys. The ironic part is that Mac was looking at the Fire Safety plan.

After this realization, Joel and I came up with a game plan, also known as The Toy Purge of 2013. (Just kidding...well, sort of. We really do call it that when we joke about it.) I sat Mac down and explained to him that since he gave us such a hard time each time he had to put away his toys, it meant that he had too many. I told him that we had to get rid of some of them. So, we set aside a day and sorted through all of the toys. Mac picked out his favorite toys to keep, and we got rid of the others, including the broken toys. It was a hard day for both Mac and I and there were plenty of tears, but after it was over, we had a smaller, manageable stash of toys.

These are the toys we chose to donate. Part of me still feels bad that we had to get rid of these great toys.

This is the closet after The Toy Purge. Still plenty of toys, but so much more manageable. 

We ended up giving away 3 trash bags of toys to a local charity and since that day, both of them have forgotten about the donated toys. The boys seem to have a better appreciation of the toys they kept. Since The Toy Purge, the conflict surrounding the toys has significantly decreased and both boys no longer seem overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the toys in their possession. It was definitely a difficult thing to go through, but it was a good reminder of what is truly important.

The Toy Purge of 2013 provided several life lessons for Mac, but this experience taught me a couple of things as well:

1. We live in an incredibly wealthy society and, as parents, we always want the absolute best for our children. This often includes material possessions - toys, clothes, a matching furniture set for their bedroom, perfectly decorated rooms, etc. None of this is bad, but it's important for us to know when to draw the line. We have to remember what is truly important - material possessions are not.

2. As Mac and I sorted through his toys that day, he would often tear up when I made him choose toys. Those were horrible moments for me. As my son mourned over choosing between his toys, I felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest. I wanted to cry too. I want my children to have an enriched and full life and to be a part of every blessing possible - toys included. I felt like I was robbing him of these blessings when he was forced to choose between his toys. I felt like the meanest mom in the world. During those heart-wrenching moments, I had to remind myself that my children will not have a less-enriched life if they only have one toy fire truck instead of three. Providing an enriched life does not mean providing more possessions for our children, but instead teaching them to appreciate what they do have.

The Toy Purge of 2013 was a difficult experience, but an important one for our family. What we learned from The Purge continues to effect our family's perspective on a daily basis. Last night, Joel and I were sorting through several boxes in our office to donate to a local charity. It wasn't easy, and we had some difficult moments. We had to remind each other of what is truly import. This morning, Mac gave me a hard time when I made him clean his room before school until I turned on the timer and told him I would donate every thing left on the floor when it went off. His toys were picked up with five minutes to spare. (We've made a lot of progress.) Life lessons aren't always easy to go through, but we always come away with renewed perspective about true value.

Sinus Surgery, Recovery, and What I've learned

Happy December! It's hard to believe that this year is almost over. Some of you may know that I had surgery on my nose and sinuses at the beginning of the last month, but I only mentioned it briefly in a post about my closet organization ideas. This past season has been unbelievably hectic, but the month of November, even more so. Here's what you've missed in the midst of all the projects that I've posted:

When I was a teenager, I broke my nose. I went down a Slip N' Slide at a summer came and hit my face. I only have vague memories of it, but my mom told me that I told her my face hurt for several days afterward. Then when Mac was about 18 months or so, Joel was out of town for the night, and Mac started crying in early one morning around 3 AM. In my half-awaken state, I got up to check on him, and totally missed the doorway. Instead I walked straight into the wall. With my face. Next to the doorway. Totally serious. It was bad. It hurt a lot. I forgot about checking on Mac, who was no longer crying, attended to my bleeding nose, took some Ibuprofen, and went back to bed with an ice pack on my face. In addition that incident, I've had couple more separate occasions where both of my children were in a state of wild excitement while sitting on my lap, jerked backward and smacked me in the nose with their heads. Being a mom can be so dangerous. ;) Needless to say, that my nose has been in bad shape for a while.

Anyway, to make a very long story short, I get sick easily (due to allergies and asthma), and stay sick for a long time. My nose issues only exaggerate the problem. At the end of July, Mac & Cheese both got sick and were nice enough to share their germs with me. So, of course, I ended up sick - and I managed to get a sinus infection that lasted until mid-October. Seriously. I was at the doctor several times over the past couple of months and Joel and I, along with the ENT specialist finally decided the best route for recovery was surgery to fix my sinuses and a deviated septum.

Side by side CT scans of my sinuses 6 weeks apart. The right one was the first scan.

So, at the beginning of November, I went into for a short 45 minute procedure to fix my nose. Let me tell you, I was SO nervous. I almost started crying when the nurse called me back to get prepped. I HATE getting things done to my head - things like dental work, oral surgery, and stuff to my nose. HATE it.

The week following surgery was truly one of the most miserable times in my life and the first 3 days were the worst. I was completely congested, incredibly tired, nauseated from the medication, and coming off the anesthesia was insane. I would have these random and uncontrollable shivering episodes. So unpleasant. I was so congested (and unable to blow my nose) that I had sleep apnea and woke up frequently. Plus, the medication I was taking (a pain killer) caused anxiety. So, every time I woke up unable to breathe, it would send me into an anxiety attack, which made everything even worse. It was a continuous battle to fight through the feelings and fear of suffocation. I was lucky to get 4-6 hours of sleep each night. It was rough. Very rough. Through this, I realized how important patience was during my recovery time. I had to remind myself that I wasn't always going to feel this terrible.

One of my better moments during the first week after surgery. There must be something wrong with me for posting pictures of myself like this.

After the first week, things got better after my post-op appointment with my doctor. He removed my stints and stitches and I was finally able to breathe again. Each day has gotten better since then, especially when I reached the point when I was allowed to blow my nose again. My nose and face still ache at times and I still have some post-surgery fatigue, BUT I can breathe so much better. Huge difference. In fact, for the first couple of weeks, I caught Joel checking to see if I was still alive when I was dozing because I breathe significantly quieter now.

November has been a difficult month for me. My very patient and giving husband took off work, took care of me during this time, slept next to me on the recliner (and sometimes the floor), managed the house, took care of our rambunctious boys, and fed us. After Joel returned to work, I've done my best to stay on top of everything at home, run Mac to and from school, and make sure everyone was fed and dressed. There are a lot of things that haven't gotten done, though. Our house has been VERY messy lately. It drives me crazy, but the fatigue has kept me from accomplishing as much as I want to. I have to remind myself that this is the best that I can do at the moment - acceptance of my current situation.

Despite the conflicts I dealt with during November, I have been very blessed with amazing friends and family who provided a lot of encouragement. I had so many friends who offered watched my children, bring over food, called and texted to check on me, and one friend even surprised me with a new pair of pajamas. I am so grateful for all of my friends and family. It meant so much to hear from them during my recovery.

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Through all of it, though, I have learned a lot about patience, acceptance and gratitude. Life definitely has its hard moments, but during these moments, it's important to figure out what you can learn. It's also important to watch a marathon of TV series. My TV marathon of choice was Downton Abbey. Oh, how I love that show.

What have you learned through your difficult experiences?

5 Inexpensive Activities to do with Your Family On Thanksgiving Day

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! In honor of the Great Day of Thanks, I have 5 ideas to do with your family while you enjoy your time together:

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1. Netflix - If don't have a subscription to Netflix, this is the perfect time to sign up. Here's the best part - when you sign up for Netflix, you get a FREE 30 day subscription. So, even if you don't want to commit to paying for another service, you can totally take advantage of the trial period and watch a bunch of cool movies during the Holidays (and the trial will even last you until after Christmas).

Here's a couple of family holiday movie suggestions:

- Miracle on 34th Street
- White Christmas
- Peanuts cartoons - The Mayflower Voyagers & I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown
- A Christmas Carol
- The Polar Express

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2. Wii Hula hoop Tournament - We did this at my in-laws house several years ago. Best. Time. Ever. And hysterical. And it's an activity suitable and enjoyable for just about every age. The Xbox Kinect also has a Hula hoop game, if you don't have a Wii.

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3. Impromptu Family Photos - who says family pictures need to be a planned event? Find a nearby park or scenic area and click away. It doesn't have to be a serious session. Be different and fun. Try things and poses you normally wouldn't do. My favorite photos are always the unplanned ones.

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4. Create a Thankful Banner - What a perfect way to honor the purpose of this holiday, right? This banner is pretty to display and also provides a free printable.

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5. Hold a "Leftover Dessert Creations Contest" - Now that you've had your fill of Thanksgiving food and dessert, you're stuck with the leftovers...not that this is a problem. I mean, who doesn't enjoy Thanksgiving leftovers??? Here's a way to keep things entertaining - Hold a contest to see who can come up with the most creative (and tasty) dessert with the dessert leftovers. (Hint - pumpkin pie milkshakes are SO overdone). Votes are cast for each entry and the winner gets to choose the movie for the family to watch.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

Mom Humor: 18 Ways to Spot a Mom of Little Ones

Being a mom to little ones is amazing. I LOVE these little guys, but it's not always easy, right? Sometimes, it's just downright stressful and exhausting. On those days, I've found it's best to find the humor in the situation. So, here are several ways to identify someone else who may be in your shoes. I've compiled a list of situations from personal experience that will make you feel better. ;)

My mom thinks I'm morbid for making this picture

You know you're a mom of little ones when:

1. You are at a doctor's appointment, and start to roll up your the leg of your pants only to find tiny little Cheetos fingerprints around the knee area. You and the doctor have seen them, and then you have to explain, "I'm a mom."

2. You have at least 3 toys in your purse or diaper bag at all times.

3. You always carry snacks in your purse or diaper bag.

4. When everyone actually likes dinner and eats it promptly without complaining, you consider it a major victory. 

5. You LOVE being able to run errands by yourself and insist on only carrying your keys, a small wallet, and your cell phone instead the giant mom purse or diaper bag that you normally have.

6. You find small chalk hand prints on one of your cars. 

7. Eating by yourself and taking an uninterrupted shower is a luxury. 

8. If you keep a small potty in the car, because you never know when your toddler might announce the need to use the bathroom and pulling over for a potty break is so much better than washing the car seat cover.

9. You put on a sweater that you thought was clean only to find a small sections of dried food on the sleeve left by your toddler. Instead of taking it off, you say, "Oh well. I'm a mom. This is expected. I'll look like this by the end of the day anyway." And then you wear it.

The time he tried to change the Scentsy warmer in the bathroom. Not blood, just wax. No burns. Just a big mess to clean up. A big mess that he was required to clean up.

10. Regardless of how often you clean out your car, it never seems to stay clean. There will always be a collection of cracker crumbs, empty juice boxes, random toy parts, and fingerprints on the windows.

11. Making dinner without any interruptions or meltdowns from your children is a major victory. 

12. When you get home at the end of the day only to realize that you have been sporting a collection of stickers on your shirt, placed by your toddler when you weren't paying attention.

13. When you find your cell phone in the toy box, but not because you put it there.

While I was busy, Cheese found a way to entertain himself

14. You look forward to the days that you get to stay home because you don't have to look presentable to go out in public. Yoga pants, no make-up and wet hair.

15. "Sleeping in" is when you don't have to get up until 7 AM.

16. When your kids' toys always seem to end up in your own bedroom instead of theirs, regardless of how often you make them put them away.

17. If at least one of your kids has dropped your cell phone into the sink, tub, or toilet full of water.

18. You have a mountain of clean and unfolded laundry piled somewhere inside your house, that rarely disappears. AND your family is so accustomed to sifting through the pile for their clothes that when you actually manage to fold ALL the laundry and put it away, replace it with a pile of dirty clothes to be washed, and your kids STILL go to the pile for clothes instead of checking their drawers. 

Can you relate? Please, feel free to add to the list! 

By the way, I pulled all of these photos from my Instagram account. Check it out for a regular dose the mom humor and shenanigans. ;)

Guest Post by Megan Robinson

Hello So Here's My Life readers!! My name is Megan Robinson and I write over at {And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson}. I love to have a place where I can go to express my thoughts, share my stories, and hopefully inspire and uplift other women. I like to talk about womanhood, motherhood, marriage and everything in between! 

I'm grateful to Michelle for letting me guest post today while she is recovering from surgery and I wish her a speedy recovery. I met Michelle through a fun blogging exchange over a year ago and we have been great friends ever since. I am forever grateful to this blogging community for friendships like Michelle's and how much it has changed my life. :)

Today, I wanted share something that I have realized is already starting to become a roadblock in just four years of marriage {and a 3-year-old and graduating from college and my husband getting his Master's, and going to dental school and working part-time... all contributors}. I hope that maybe it will help you in your marriages and relationships as well!

In one of my college classes, we were shown a news segment of couples who were struggling in their relationship after they had children. They blamed their kids for their marital dissatisfaction, saying the kids made them too busy to spend time alone as a couple and made their relationship lack the excitement it once had. Later in the segment, a marriage counselor came to the families and gave them two pieces of advice:

1. Go on a date once a week.
2. Go to bed at the same time even if you are not tired. This will lead to some good, thoughtful conversation and maybe some much-needed (and deserved!) intimacy.

As I thought about this advice, the question that kept coming to mind was: “How did they let it get this far?”

These couples didn’t always have kids or busy careers or stressful schedules. At one point, they were newlyweds who probably couldn’t keep their hands off each other and could talk to each other for hours on end. How did they lose that spark?

The answer of course isn’t simple. People can argue that life’s responsibilities made it too hard to focus on their relationship, but I don’t always buy that.

Though I don’t know these couples personally, I can still guess that the source of their problems probably started with things becoming too “routine” in their relationship. They came to accept the daily grind and may have forgotten to make time for their relationship.

There were no dinner reservations, no movie nights, no dancing, no midnight pajama parties, no sharing of the last piece of chocolate cake while you get caught up in the drama between McDreamy and Meredith in “Grey’s Anatomy” (No? Is that just us?)

Too many have stopped trying to nurture their relationship, it seems.

And therein lies the problem. Life gets stressful, kids come along, jobs take over, and your relationship can be lost in the dust. You suddenly find yourself in your 60s, retired and empty nesters when you finally notice each other and say, “Who are you?”

Let’s be clear on one thing: life will get busy whether or not you have kids. Research has shown that on average, over the same period of time, couples with kids and couples without kids showed a decrease in marital quality. For some it was a big decrease and with others it was small, but there was still a sense of strain on the relationship as their lives got busier.

Whether you are married, engaged or just dating, it is important to start to get into good habits now. Schedule a weekly date night, eat meals together, set aside time each day to have meaningful conversations and go to bed at the same time. Because once life starts moving faster, you will need your partner’s love, comfort, and support more than any other. You will need to know that you are there for each other no matter what life throws at you.

And, besides, who can say no to midnight pajama parties??

Thank you so much again, Michelle, for letting me share your blog space!
It is an honor to be able to write for you! :)

Easy and Inexpensive Closet Organization Ideas

Does anyone have a disastrous coat closet? We did. There are so many things to store in that confined space that keeping them organized was a huge challenge. Our coat closet opens up into our living room and goes back underneath the staircase. It's not huge or anything, but it's definitely bigger than the average coat closet. The problem that we had was that it serves more than one purpose. It also serves as toy storage/mini-play room/coat closet/winter accessories/workout equipment storage closet. One of the biggest issues with having a multi-functioning closet is keeping the kids' toys separate from everything else AND providing quick and easy access to the non-toy items. There are tons and tons of organizational-friendly items that you can buy, but that can get expensive, especially if you need several items. When it comes to home organization, I like to keep it simple and I try to use items I already have (or are inexpensive to purchase) to stay organized. So, here are a couple of simple and inexpensive organization ideas that I came up with using normal household items.

So if you want to get really fancy here, I recommend grouping the coats by owner. This way it's quicker to find a specific coat. If you want to be even more organized, you can assign each person to a different colored hanger and spot in the closet. That's a little overboard for us. I would consider doing it if I knew everybody else would follow, but I know for a fact that nobody else would take the time to assign the right coat to the assigned colored hanger. So as long as everyone's coat is hung up in the closet, I'm good. ;)

I use an over-the-door shoe organizer behind our closet door to store all of our winter hats, baseball caps, mittens, gloves and sunglasses. This makes them easily accessible and they're also more likely to get put away after use. I recommend putting the kids stuff in the bottom pockets so they can pull them out and put them away without help.  

I put Command Hooks (about $8 on Amazon) on an empty wall on the side of the closet to hang miscellaneous items we use for working out like resistance bands, straps, and the CamelBak.

The top shelf is used for yoga mats, small hand weights, and a flashlight (for all those I-can't-find-anything-in-the-dark-where's-the-flashlight moments). Just a side note here: I normally avoid storing weights on shelves, due to the fact that they tend to make the shelf bow. However, since this closet is shared with the kids' toys, the last thing I need is for my boys for have access to the weights and drop them on their toes. I store the weights at the end of each side of the shelf above the braces, which has yet to cause any bowing.

I installed a small towel rack (about $13 on Amazon) on the opposite side wall of the closet to hang scarves. Hanging them on the towel rack makes it so much easier to find them, plus they stay in place instead of falling off the hangers and onto the floors.

The boys' toys are stored behind the coats toward the back of the closet. All of the toys have their own place. All blocks are stored in one container, cars have another container, puzzles have their own place, etc. Large toys go into a giant bin in the back of the closet. Because there is only one light at the front of the closet, the back part of the closet is dark, so we hung battery operated motion detector lights in the back so they can sit in the back of the closet and play. 

Now that the coat closet is well organized, getting out of the house is a bit easier, items are more likely to get put away after use and the toys all have their own place. I do still have to keep after the boys to make sure their toys get put away in the correct places, instead of just tossing them inside the closet at will and shutting the door. ;) How do you keep your home organized? 

By the way, I am getting surgery on my nose tomorrow to fix my deviated septum. I broke my nose when I was a teenager (on a Slip N' Slide at summer camp) and have had sinus trouble ever since. So I will be out for a week or so BUT I do have a couple of guest bloggers filling in for me while I recover. Don't miss their posts!

First Birthday Cake Smash

Recently we celebrated Cheese's first birthday. We skipped the huge party since he's too little to understand the birthday thing. But we did do a cake smash. If you aren't sure what a cake smash is, it's when you give a baby a whole entire cake, and allow them to devour it. So entertaining. Cheese's cake smash was hysterical but it didn't go how I expected...
 

Mom, I'm not sure what you want me to do here...

Wait...you want me to touch this? And eat it too?

This is gross. I don't want to touch it.

I do like the spoon though. Spoons are great...but I think I'm done

I HATE THIS! Why are you making me do this?

Here, Cheese, let me help you. 

Mom! Chocolate cake is the best! I don't know why Cheese doesn't want to eat any of it!

 When we did this for Mac's first birthday, he was all over the cake....and the cake was all over him. 

Aren't kids funny? I guess that cake isn't his thing. Weird, I know! I just don't understand it. These boys are polar opposites in just about every way. What are your kids like? Do you have kids with opposite personalities?

Parenting Without Approval

Approval.

Deep down inside, most people desire the affirmation of others. I am one of those people. It's more of a subconscious thing. It is for most people. I think that some people are more prone to this yearning than others, and each person's need for approval is unique to specific areas. If I am not careful, this approval driven desire can get away from me without me even realizing it. I have to continuously keep this area of my life in check.

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Over my 4 very long years of parenting (sarcasm), I've encountered numerous moms that always seem to be on a subconscious search for others to approve of their parenting choices, and uh...I've been one of them.

Why do we do this to ourselves? I think we all want to be recognized as good parents. Who doesn't want to be known as a good parent? So, we share our parenting experiences, beliefs, and goals with other moms. The problem is that although you may have a group of friends with similar beliefs and goals in parenting, sooner or later you will come across someone who doesn't. They may not hesitate to share their thoughts either, and depending on the delivery of their point of view, it could be offensive. This is where conflict enters. Some are able to discard unwanted opinions without a second thought (my husband calls this Brain Dump), but others...uh...like me, tend to get...aggravated. Enter emotional conflict and defensive rhetoric. It may not always be expressed to the offending person, but those thoughts and words are still present in your mind.

I spent way too much time dwelling within this terrible habit, then, one day I had a realization or two.

-The more you discuss parenting issues, the more you invite others to give their opinions. Discussing parenting issues is not a bad thing, but this needs to be done with care. Often times, when you discuss parenting issues, especially conflicts, others tend to interpret this as an open door to give their input and advice, regardless of whether or not you were looking for it. So, if you are not looking for advice, you may want to think twice before bringing up the topic.

 

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-Each family has a unique set of values and goals that they've established for themselves. Chances are they probably won't completely line up with yours. This is ok. My husband and I do not allow and have never allowed our children to sleep in our bed with us for numerous reasons. I have several friends who have, or still, co-sleep with their kids. Although co-sleeping is not something that we practice, it doesn't make those who do co-sleep bad parents. It's more of an issue of differing opinions, and each choice comes with its own set of pros and cons. We prefer the pros and cons that come with our children sleeping in their own beds. We feel that this is the best option for us in order to accomplish our family goals and it lines up with our values.

-Does it really matter what people think about our choices anyway? You know the answer. Of course it doesn't. Consider this:

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As parents we should never make our parenting choices based on others' approval. God's approval supersedes the approval of any other person.


So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of a parenting discussion, here's a couple things to consider:
- Think twice before you speak and evaluate your motives. Refrain from speaking when you do not have the correct motives. Ask yourself, "Why am I bringing this up?"
-When a conflicting opinion is voiced, Brain Dump. Dismiss it. Don't let it bother you.
-Respect each other's choices and opinions even if you don't agree with them. There's no need to create conflict.

Priorities

I have 2 baskets of unfolded laundry in the living room, several dismantled baby items in the hallway, a LOT of dusting to do, and two bathrooms that need to be cleaned. I cannot even begin to tell you how much this bothers me. It drives me crazy.

I can never seem to stay completely on top of all of the household tasks. There's always something that needs to be done - sorting through old toys, switching out seasonal clothes, weeds to be pulled in the yard, or those chores that always seem to be put off - like dusting the fan blades. I have a hard time relaxing when I have a list of tasks that need to be taken care of.

Lately Mac has asked me several time to play with him, and I've declined each time, due to the fact that I had to work on something else. Last week he asked me again and my initial reaction was to decline again, but then I had this realization, "My son wants me to play with him. Why am I saying 'no?' It's not like this task has to be done right now." In that moment I felt so sad when I realized that he had asked me to spend time with him and I had previously declined several times. Why was I so focused on finishing that task? Why did it matter so much?

It matters because we all seem to think that a person's worth depends on how much they accomplish.  In a lot of ways, a person's worth is in fact, determined by what they accomplish. True. However, I think a balance that needs to be established when it comes to spending time with your family. It's so easy to get caught up in the things that need to get done at home or extra money that needs to be earned, that time with your family, your children, slips away. Never to be replaced. They won't always be young.

I have come across several adults with grown children who regret not spending more time with their children when they were young. This is not a regret that I want to have in life. Not at all. Have you ever come across someone who said, "I wish my parents had spent more time cleaning the house and less time hanging out with us." Probably not. So I think those weeds can wait a little bit longer and those fan blades can be cleaned later.

I'm not encouraging you to allow your house to fall into a sanitation hazard, or to quit your job and become homeless all for the sake of family time. But I do think it's important to keep your family time a priority. Set aside time to spend with your little ones. Don't be afraid to temporarily set aside a task to play. Your children will only be small for a short time. Don't allow these precious moments to slip away.