So Here's My Life

The things we make,
the food we eat and
the shenanigans in between.

A blog about making things by

Friday, June 29, 2007

Confessions from a wounded soul

Do you feel my sadness?
Do you feel my pain?
Do you understand the disappointment I feel so deep within?
Are you there?
I feel so alone.
I know you are there.
But you seem so silent.
Bad things have happened to me.
I just don't understand.
What did I do to deserve this?
My heart feels ripped apart.
Disappointment fills my soul.
My bleeding heart is wounded.
It seems beyond repair.
How could this have happened?
I just don't understand.
Can you fix my wounded soul?
Can you fix my bleeding heart?
I know you have a plan.
It's beyond my understanding.
I've heard it so many times.
But I struggle to comprehend.

Then I feel a whisper.
A soft and gentle voice.
And you remind me, "I AM HERE."

And you are.

*disclaimer - this has nothing to do with Joel*


Cara said...

Let me share with you something that happened to me a few months ago in the grocery store.

I was doing my shopping and I encountered a haggard woman with five children. I oberved them as we shopped the same aisle. Her children were ragged and unruly and very very loud. This woman probably never should have had one child let alone five.

She could of been a poster child for a parenting class recuitment flyer. When she wasn't ignoring them she was yelling obsenities. There was no love or tenderness in her voice for her own children.

She was especially irritated with one young boy in her brood. As I walked past her I had to really control my urge to grab her by the throat and scream "You have no idea what a gift you have here - you have no idea what it feels like to lose your child - your hope for tomorrow". I began to cry.

As I rounded the corner with the sound of her harsh voice still bellowing down the aisle I whispered under my breath through my tears "Why Lord, why does she get to keep her children and I have no boy."

And he answered and said "..but you have mine."

I trust God's perfect timing and realize that my own need to understand is a stumbling block to faith. I don't like it - I don't like it one bit but this is the hard part of faith that you don't hear about on Sunday mornings.

I love you guys and I have faith for you -

Unknown said...

wow. i really appreciate what you've shared. God continuously reminds me that things that have happened are not always for me to understand, but I really struggle with this. It's something I know, but it's a truth that I struggle to grasp. It's one thing to know things in your head, but it's another to know them from within your heart.